♥Monday, January 5, 2009;
2:58 AM
confessions . . .
i did not ask for this. it's a tragedy - what we've become.
it was probably the biggest fight i've had with you. i don't deny what i said. it was exactly what i felt that time. i was angry, i was upset and above all, i wanted you to shut up and listen.
i am sick and tired of always carefully picking out my words in front of you. i hate that you won't listen to reason and all you ever do is complain at how the fucking world is never on your side. and above all, i hate that you constantly lament that we can't survive without you!
to be honest, i'm quite relieved that i won't be dragged into a custody battle. but i'm terribly worried about how my sisters are going to take it. especially the young-in. i want to hold her tight and never let go. in fact, if i could, i want to bring her up myself. i wish i can provide a better life for them both but what can i do now?
right now, i'm nothing.
i don't have anything to offer them right now. and i'd hate if we'd have to be apart. things will definitely change. so would feelings. i think i'm helpless.
i can't change my parents. it's something out of my hands. and fuck, we're not liabilities okay. we're human beings. we're made of carbon, with flesh, rainbows and butterflies filling us inside.
i really don't understand why people keep telling me to be patient. to chill.
it's not going to last very long, i'll tell you that. i'm at my fucking wits' end.
please god, please don't make me break down in school. i cannot take the pressure.
this is an awesome way to start 09 eh?
mew...
