12:26 AM

I have been through so much shit. I have to admit, they're not all that bad. Let's see.

1) Grandpa died when I was born, so I was deemed a fucking jinx.
2) I got backstabbed by an entire class(i know!! cannot be right? but it fucking happened)
3) My supposedly best friend in primary school turned out to be such a bitch, I fucking hate her.
4) Daddy took a turn for the worst and did something unforgiveable.
5) I tried to commit suicide countless times, until at one point, I had to be admitted for severe depression.
6) I am in the brink of being locked up in a hell-hole because someone 'thinks' I'm not ready for the REAL world.

So here I am. Your fucking jinx-cum-stupidfuckingidiot-cum-daddyhatesme-cum-suicidal-cum-psycho bitch anyone has ever seen.

Do I seem happy-go-lucky to you? Do I seem like the kind who'd love the beautiful flowers and lush green gardens and all that fucked up shit??

Then you must've been fucking blind your entire life.

I don't fucking care about the things around me anymore. I am fucking tired of watching the same thing happen again and again. That fucking biased thing does NOT suit me. That shit about how people should pity me is fucking disgusting.

I'd rather be the weird emo girl at the corner whom noone wants to be friends with.

So things got out of hand. And I lost control of the wheel. I crashed. I burned. But I'm so ready to walk out and try again even if I know it's going down the same way. I'm tired of playing pretend. I'm tired of being 'strong'. I just want to kick back and let things fall the way they do. That I'd have to pick them up and put them back only to find them falling again.

Don't get it? I don't get it either.

My mind's a bloody mess right now. Everything's buzzing in and out. I'm not sure what's right and what's wrong. I'm not sure if what I said truly meant what I wanted to convey. I have no idea what I'm doing. Probably popping pills isn't such a good idea eh mate?

Happy Birthday Cuz. You're fucking 20 now. And god damn it, you haven't created trouble yet. Fuck you. Go do some stupid shit so that I can be all mad at you and smack you so hard, your balls will shorten at least an inch. Have fun at camp. And fuck all your sucker mates for me. Thanks love. =>

I need to get wasted.